Logic will break your heart, babe

Mr. Hanes: He was Dough's student teacher when I was in his geog class freshmen year. And I LOVED Mr. Hanes. He was soo great and funny and high on caffiene but that was okay. And him and Dougherty got along real well. I miss him, hah.

Mademoiselle Boudalerie (sp?): She was the student teacher in Martin's freshmen year. And she was ultra smiley. Even though Martin doesn't let any of her student teachers actuallly teach. When she did teach, she was really nice. She was def my favorite French student teacher.

Mademoiselle Ross: WAS SO STUPID. I hated Mlle Ross. I knew more French than she did. She had no control over anything.

Monsieur Hubert: Martin, french, this year. He was okay. He knew a lot. But he wasn't very enthusiastic about France in general. He wore floods, and also doesn't have much control over a class. Now he's with Rohloff because he's also a history major. M. Hubert was okay. Kind of.

Justin: I have no idea how to spell his last name. Because when Ginny asked his name, he said Justin hahaha because he's such a n00b. But he is soo smart. And he gave us a lot of answers and just knows random biology shit. And he's young. And kinda (I stress that) cute. Weird-looking, though. But he will be quite interesting, I'm sure. He's a way better teacher than Eberhardt, and he's only been here for a day. He just got right up and started walking around and shit. It's a shame he's only gonna be here Thursdays and Fridays. And I'm not gonna be there tomorrow so that means everyone will be like, ahead of me, haha.

Enough about him; I have another entry to write, because it has nothing to do with this and this is from earlier but then Jay came down and was all, we're going to Apple Annie's. So I left this up and I just got back because we had to go Kroger and now I'm fighting with my mom so that's what I'm going to go write about next :D

Mkay, let's get one thing straight: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD.
I am for gay rights.
I am pro-choice.
I've never believed what they taught me, even though I made all three sacrements, went through eight years of catechism, and had six weeks of conformation classes.
I don't believe in Catholicism.
I don't believe Jesus cured the blind with his bare hands.
I don't beleive Moses split the sea.
I don't believe Noah had an ark.
And I have definitely decided that I don't believe in God. If I did, things would be much better for EVERYONE, not just me. God isn't going to stop me or make me do anything. Those who center their lives around God--idk, it just makes me sick recently. Maybe it's because I'd love that. I'd love to center my life around something that I truly loved and believed in. But I can't. And I'm okay with that.

But apparently my mother isn't. It's not like she's all, OMGJESUS but whenever I ask something like, "Do non-Christians have godparents?" or "What happens when you die and you're atheist?" I get a huffy puffy sigh from her. I'm not saying not to believe in God. Go right ahead. But I mean, I don't even know what being an atheist is all about. All I've known is catholicism. So it's weird just dropping that and having no religion at all. It gives me this feeling like I'm totally lost. Did you know Americans who are atheists were/are associtated with being communists? So, what? Now I'm a fucking communist? No I'm not. I don't believe in God. I don't even know if I believe in a higher power, because I know nothing other than God. EVEN THOUGH TO ME, HE'S NOT EVEN THERE.

So when my grandma tells my mom to ask me to do a reading at mass (hate that word, sounds nasty) for my great-grandma Kate at her funeral, I was like, "What, from the bible?" And my mom got all pissed because she though I didn't want to do it because it is from the bible. But NO that's not it. Do I feel like I have to read it? Yes. But only because my second cousin Rachel, who is the same age as me, is reading one. And everything is going to be a fucking competition. Rachel's relationships compared to those of mine that are apparently lacking. Rachel's job and Rachel's sports and Rachel's fucking everything. And Rachel's so thin and pretty and she'll probably be wearing a lovely skirt or dress while I'm wearing my black interview pants that are too long and have a ripped beltloop, and a shirt that hides my stomach. So yeah, I feel like I have to read the stupid bible thing because Rachel can't have that on me, too, okay?!

But that's not the only reason I'm doing it. That's my reason for sucking up my stage fright and shit. And even though I had already agreed, even though I had already said I didn't mind, even though I had already said that she wouldn't understand the Rachel thing, my mother still brought up the, "Your grandma would have wanted it" speech. And I'm like, STFU. You know what? I'm not going to do it because my grandma would have wanted it. I'm doing it for my grandma. So suck my balls.

Then my dad walked in, and was all, what's going on. And I was like, well I have to read something. And he got the impression I was being forced into it, but I was not, because there was a backup in case I disagreed. Which was my aunt. And I'm definitely not going to let my aunt do it over me. But, technically, her and Rachel are the same in the lineage. Rachel and my aunt are granddaughters. I am a great-granddaughter. But they want me to read it because it will be cute if me and Rachel each do one, because we're the same age. And I also tried explaining this to my mom, and that's when she started fucking crying. Like, I'll do the damn reading; bible or not, I will do it. I will go up on stage, so that family that I hardly know, and family that I haven't seen in how many years, can see me and judge me silently in their minds while I read something that no one will listen to, let alone understand. And then Rachel will go up there, and they will be thinking, oh she is the most darling little thing. It's always a comptetition. Always.

But guess what, people. I'm an atheist. I am one single atheist out of my whole Christian family and that sucks for everyone, including me. It probably sucks most for me. So when you ask me to do a reading from the bible at my great-grandmother's funeral, in front of my ENTIRE family who don't have a clue about my lack of religion, don't assume I won't because I'm atheist. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.