An ode to Adam's ex-girlfriends

I wanna be a trashy skank so frickin' bad
Screw all of the guys I never had
I wanna be under the covers of your boyfriend's bed
Because I am the best at giving head
Oh every time I close my eyes
I scream and moan with all my might
A different boyfriend every night
Oh I, I swear
Your girl better prepare for our dirty truth or dare

Yeah, we made this up.
  • Current Music
    Spun // Flipsyde

Dear regrets,

Currently, I am sitting in my new room. It's actually my old room but now it's an Herbal Garden, complete with a home for my laptop (aka desk) and my beautiful Asian Lily bedspread. My iLive is filling this "new room" with Taylor Swift, accompanied by the sounds of birds, bugs, and breeze from outside my open window.

And on the shelf directly above my desk, staring me plain in the face, is a photo, a photo that I so carefully chose, a photo of my fifth floor girls from Western Michigan University. The seven of us, a group. A group that I at least somewhat belonged in, even though from early on I knew I'd be leaving them in only a few short months.

It is hard, in many ways and on many levels. People ask me if I like OU and I tell them yes, a very routine, stock answer. Is it the truth? Well, yes, I suppose it is. I don't hate OU, I don't even dislike it. But I didn't switch schools because Oakland was calling my name. Home was calling my name. Boyfriend, family, my own room and house were calling my name. And as much as I regret going to Western in the first place, as much as I regret letting people talk me into something I didn't want, almost just as much I regret coming home.

Sometimes I think about my dorm, which I loathed, and I miss it. And I often think about the caf, although responsible for horrible eating habits and probably some weight gain, and I miss it. And I think about walking around that campus, classes spread out whenever over the course of my week rather than crammed tight in three days, and I *long* for it. And I look at that photo and I miss those people, people I didn't think I'd go eight months without seeing. And it breaks me down to tears.

I tell people that Western wasn't the right place at the right time, and that is the truth. More than anything, I found it difficult to adjust. I loved going home and hated coming back and when I read past entries in here about my time at Western, I know that it wasn't all in my head. I loved Western, but it wasn't for me.

Unfortunately, I went there. Unforuntately, I was talked into sigining my attendance card to WMU and even MORE unfortunately, I met my boyfriend only a few weeks after this decision. A big part of me finds it unfortunate that I got a taste of it, because had I not, I wouldn't know what I was missing. And if I didn't know what I was missing, I wouldn't be missing. I wouldn't have memories, good and bad, haunting me. I wouldn't say, "Well, our club tennis team at Western..." and then have to catch myself in realization, even after eight months, that Western is not my school. It was, once, but it's not anymore. I left it. And quite clearly on my OU transcript it says "Transfer" and I cringe at that word. I hate that word. I hate being a transfer student, reminding me constantly that I fucked up the first time, that instead of getting it right and spending four complete years at a school that I take some serious pride in, whichever school it may be, I made the wrong choice. I wasn't supposed to do it that way. I was supposed to pick one university, the right university, and love it through and through and never look back.

So this transfer student has some regrets. She is sorry and sad and missing and *confused.* And let me tell you something -- she hates it.

  • Current Music
    Stuck in the Middle // Mika

The one you can live with

Hi. I tried writing a legit entry and then I realized that I'm far too fucked up and twisted to be able to write anything that would be comprehensible.
  • Current Music
    Staring at the Sun // U2

Yeah, aim.

magicmanx331 (12:30:40 AM): i'll always love you
kbann829 (12:30:47 AM): yeah?
kbann829 (12:30:50 AM): you think so?
magicmanx331 (12:31:00 AM): i know i always will
  • Current Music
    False Pretense // Red Jumpsuit Apparatus


I really LOVE when my boyfriend posts Jesus lyrics on his facebook.
I ESPECIALLY love when he tells me about it.
fUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUck post something CUTE and GOOD for once.
Something that won't make me want to pull my hair out.


Also, I am going to bomb Call of Duty.
  • Current Music
    Sex & Love // Faber Drive

Three weeks later isn't THAT bad D;

It is often that I find myself thinking about Western while I walk the campus of Oakland University. From building to building, the walk is shorter and the ground is flatter. The hills are actually hills instead of what seem like mountains and the time it takes is five minutes rather than fifteen. And I will say that while the drive is tedious and the gas is expensive and the parking is a nightmare, I have very few complaints about the university that I now call my own (despite the Western sticker on my car) and where I will (hopefully) spend the remainder of my college career.

But god I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Western. It seems almost everyday something comes up that reminds me of Shelby or Kirstin or Katie or Liz or any one of my friends at that university. I never planned on leaving Western; I never thought I'd cop out, let alone so soon. My intentions were simple and very straight: I was to go to school at Western. Nowhere else. And since my enrollment at Oakland, it is strange to think that I DID leave. Permanently. I really loved Western. It's unfortunate, the way things turned out.

Not that I have any regrets. This decision I am confidant in. Even though I know virtually no one at Oakland (no one in my classes that is, which is all I have since I don't live in a residence hall anymore) I feel like I belong there, a feeling that I had to search for at Western, and even then it was very weak. So it's working out.

I still feel torn though. Like I'm not doing justice to either place. I need to defend both of my universities, and that's what I'm here to do. I'm not anti-Western; I really loved Western, it just wasn't in the right place and it wasn't the right time. But I love Oakland too. Oakland is for me, fits me better. But oh I miss Western, I really do. I miss those fifth floor girls and it's tough because there's almost nothing I can do about it. No doubt I'll try getting out there to see everyone, hopefully some time soon. But I met some great people, people that will always cause me to feel a twinge of regret about my decision to leave Western.

I miss them, Lizzy, Katie, Shelby, Amber, Kellie, and Kirstin. I have no words to describe it.
  • Current Music
    Thinking Of You // Katy Perry

It's like Webster, ya dig?

Kabster's LiveJournal Dictionary for 2009

12     2/12     accepted: adj. generally approved; usually regarded as normal.
36     6/26     addiction: n. the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
4       1/16     afraid: adj. feeling fear; filled with apprehension.
22     4/13     another: adj. being one more or more of the same; further; additional.
8       1/30     appreciation: n. the act of estimating the qualities of things and giving them their proper value.

66     11/19   barbaric: adj. without civilizing influences; uncivilized; primitive.
35     6/25     bite: v. to grip or hold with the teeth.
42     7/21     bittersweet: adj. both pleasant and painful or regretful.

38     6/27     boyfriendn. a frequent or favorite male companion; beau.
60     10/13   break: v. to smash, split, or divide into parts violently; reduce to pieces or fragments.
29     5/21     brilliant: adj. splendid or magnificent.
50     8/25     butterflies: n. a queasy feeling, as from nervousness, excitement, etc.

17     3/13     civilly: adv. politely; courteously.
23     4/22     compromise: n. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modifcation of demands.
19     3/20     concussionn. injury to the brain or spinal cord due to jarring from a blow, fall, or the like.

37     6/26     cougarn. a 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path.*
51     9/8       cry: v. to weep; shed tears, with or without sound.
65     11/16   curse: n. the formula or charm intended to cause such misfortune to another.
34     6/17     cute: adj. attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty.

43     7/23     daten. a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.

18     3/17     deficiency: n. a lack or shortage, especially of something essential to health; an insufficiency.
59     10/5     depression: n. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
73     12/31   dictionaryn. a book containing the selection of the words of a language, usually arranged alphabetically, giving information about their meanings, pronunciations, etymologies, inflected forms, etc., expressed in either the same or another language; lexicon; glossary.
53     9/11     document: v. to furnish with references, citations, etc., in support of statements made.

30     5/28     end: n. the furthermost imaginable place or point.
55     9/19     expectation: n. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
41     7/17     explanation: n. a meaning or interpretation.

57     9/28     familiaradj. well-acquainted; thoroughly conversant.
72     12/29   fault: n. responsibility for failure or a wrongful act.
9       1/31     flip: v. to turn over, esp. with a short rapid gesture.
28     5/20     friend: n. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

32     6/2       graduate: n. a person who has received a degree or diploma on completing a course of study, as in a university, college, or school.

39     7/5       hickey: n. a reddish mark on the skin caused by amorous kissing, biting, or sucking.

64     11/3     hookahn. a tobacco pipe of Near Eastern origin with a long, flexible tube by which the smoke is drawn through a jar of water and thus cooled.

49     8/25     inappropriate: adj. not appropriate; not proper or suitable.
44     7/31     insecurity: n. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.

48     8/20     intimacy: n. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.

58     10/3     jealousy: n. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

3       1/16     liaison: n. a person who initiates or maintains such a contact or connection.
45     8/8       lose: v. to get rid of.
56     9/23     lust: n. intense sexual desire or appetite.

5       1/21     memory: n. a mental impression retained; a recollection.
63     10/25   mess: n. a state of embarrassing confusion.
14     2/20     miss: v. to regret the absence or loss of.

27     5/18      narcissism: n. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
67     11/21    nightmare: n. a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc.
2       1/14     normalcy: n. expectedness as a consequence of being usual or regular or common.
7       1/28     nostalgia: n. a bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

54     9/12     overwhelm: v. to load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering or excessive amount of anything.

46     8/12     pain: n. mental or emotional suffering or torment.
26     5/14     platonic: adj. purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, esp. in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.

11     2/7       pointless: adj. lacking meaning; senseless.
33     6/15     premonitionn. a feeling of anticipation of or anxiety over a future event; presentiment.

16     3/4       rantv. to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; to talk in a wild or vehement way; rave.
24     4/24     resentment: n. the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.
1       1/6       resist: v. to withstand, strive against, or oppose.

40     7/8       sext: v. to flirt or have cybersex with someone in a text message.*
70     12/14   simple: adj. not elaborate or artificial; plain.

31     5/30     still: adv. at this or that time; as previously.

6       1/27     territory: n. any tract of land; region or district.
20     3/21     testify: v. to make solemn declaration.
52     9/9       therapy: n. any act, hobby, task, program, etc., that relieves tension.
62     10/21    threat: n. a declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc., in retaliation for, or conditionally upon, some action or course; menace.
15     3/3       touch: n. that sense by which anything material is perceived by means of physical contact.

10     2/2       toxic: adj. acting as or having the effect of a poison; poisonous.
71     12/29    traitor: n. a person who betrays another, a cause, or any trust.
13     2/18     tunnel vision: n. an extremely narrow or prejudiced outlook; narrow-mindedness.

61     10/20    ultimatum: n. a final proposal or statement of conditions.
21     4/9       undead: adj. no longer alive but animated as a supernatural force, as a vampire or zombie.
25     4/28     understatement: n. a statement that is restrained in ironic contrast to what might have been said.
68     12/2      utopia: n. an ideal place or state.

69     12/14    vacation: n. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday.

47     8/17     wild: adj. unrestrained by reason or prudence.

Courtesy of dictionary.com
*Courtesy of urbandictionary.com


Since 2009 is nearly over

dictionary: n. a book containing the selection of the words of a language, usually arranged alphabetically, giving information about their meanings, pronunciations, etymologies, inflected forms, etc., expressed in either the same or another language; lexicon; glossary.

If not tomorrow, then the next day.
  • Current Music
    Good For You // Third Eye Blind