April 5th, 2009


My pro/con lists


Leaving the nest
Dorm life
The "real" college experience

Have to get new job
$60,000 in debt due to student loans
Will probably have to move twice in three years
Leaving everyone else behind


Stay at home, save some money
Much more affordable
Willing to give me $6000
Most everyone will still be in the area
Keep job at Manzella's

Lose dorm life experience
Won't be leaving the nest... yet

So, based on this, it seems like a no-brainer, right? But what is the trade-off? What will I be sacrificing if I go to one school over the other? Do you wanna know what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid that I will go to Western and lose everyone and then once I'm out I'll be lonely as fuck. However, even if I go to Oakland, how many of my high school friends am I gonna take with me in five, six, seven, ten years? What happens after college? You get a shit job that pays shit money and then you struggle until you get a good enough job to even start paying back student loans. And I'll have none of my high school friends because everyone (including myself) will have moved up and moved on. And, with my luck, I probably won't have a boyfriend or anyone and I'll be lonely and miserable. And my college friends... well they'll be moving on, too.

I wish it stopped here. After childhood just sounds like hell. I've never had such a negative outlook on anything in my life like I do on this. It's horrible and it's sucky. But I can't see past the fact that this is just going to get harder and less rewarding from here on out.

No matter which school I go to, I will still be unsure of my decision. I will still feel like I made the wrong decision and I will probably regret it for a long time. And, even though from the looks of my list I should go to Oakland, I'm still horribly undecided. The only thing that is making me lean is that, in my mind, I had already made a commitment to Western. And then I heard the number SIXTY-THOUSAND and began to rethink my decision. And then I talked to a few people and someone said, why not go to Oakland? Live at home the first year, save some money, get an apartment when you're a Sophomore. I could keep my job and still see my friends and, for at least the next four years, things would be great. Or I could go to Western and live like a "college kid," complete with wild parties and dorm life and breaking the rules and no parental authority.

But how would I know what I was missing? But then again, why take the chance of missing out on it?

At this point, I could just flip a coin and not give a fuck to which side it landed on.

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