November 16th, 2009


"We should have left earlier; we didn't have enough time"

curse: n. the formula or charm intended to cause such misfortune to another.

On Sunday mornings, I debate one of two things: option A is to lay there until I am either dying of starvation or dying of an intense bladder infection and am forced to get up and out of my own bed. Option B is to get up bright and early and begin my day, so that there are more hours to count before the all too familiar train comes and picks me up.

Now that I am on that train and this Sunday is almost over, I only have two more Sundays until my Sunday curse will end. And this curse, well, I’ve almost become numb to it. Saying goodbye is more routine that anything; I don’t have to look back at my house or watch that blue Ion drive away until I can no longer see it with my boyfriend behind the wheel. I robotically pack my things and, in this case, remind myself it’s only nine more days. Nine more days and two more Sundays, and then my curse will be broken.

Now don’t get me wrong – leaving Western will probably be just as hard as leaving home was in September. While I find dorm life nearly uncivilized (that’s an exaggeration, but not completely), I do love the university. I love the people I’ve met, and of course the person I went there with. I can only say I somewhat regret the decision to go to Western in the first place, because now I can never ask “what if?” Deep down, I am a homebody, desperate for a life that is familiar and comfortable. About home, it’s not so much what I miss, but what I am missing. Life is give and take – I can’t have my cake and eat it too.

As for Oakland, it’s small. At least compared to Western it is. It’s a 25 mile drive, a shot up I75. It’s on Squirrel Road, which in my opinion is a good omen. I will go Mondays and Wednesdays 10:00am-3:47pm and Fridays 12:00pm-3:47pm. I will hopefully/more than likely get my job back so I can make enough money to pay for gas and support mine and Adam’s taco bell and sushi addictions. And Adam, ohh that boy, he will, once again, be two lefts and a right away. The waters of our relationship will calm; no more arguments over nothing because it’s easier to be mad at him than it is to flat out admit how much I miss him, how lonely I am knowing that he’s so far away.

This is for the better. I really believe that.

Rest In Peace, my little Bug.

Mikey, you will be missed. <3

"The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly"
Vanilla Twilight // Owl City