If it's after midnight, it doesn't really count as Homecoming, does it?
Because that would ruin a very nice day.
Considering we thus far haven't been on the greatest terms, I can't help but wonder WHY you would let me slip and totally cartoon-style-feet-in-the-air-fall-flat-on-your-ass fall TWICE in one week in the rain on your campus?
jealousy: n. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
The crying log failed due to the fact that for some reason I no longer have control over my exploding emotions.
I know it was three or so times since the last entry (once on Thursday perhaps, and twice on Saturday?) Needless to say, I feel a little pathetic. Crying in that little Italian restaurant as I try to explain myself. It's like I open my mouth and tears come out. If I don't speak I can hold it back but the second I use real words I fall apart. And then afterwards I can't even say exactly what's wrong. I cried at dinner, that's what's wrong, but I don't wanna tell you that, just in case I start crying again. Fuck, my mind is such a mess lately.
Though all of me is really.
Time for lunch.
Knowing that I have to go back to Western tomorrow makes me wanna cry.
Can't I just stay here?
I wake up in the early hours of the morning for no reason.
I wake up from these weird fuckin' dreams with fire explosions and Wizard of Oz characters.
I wake up when the alarm for Katie goes off (though normally I can just turn it off and go back to sleep in a matter of seconds).
And, probably the worst of all, it is so damn hot in this teensy tiny room that once I'm up I feel too gross and too sweaty to fall back asleep.
I wish I was better at adjusting but I'm not. I feel like if I just tough it out for a little while longer, I'll be able to go home, to my own bed and my own room and my own house. And I'll be able to see Adam every single day if I want. And I can get my job back and make some money and drive my car to go wherever I need to go without feeling trapped in a prison cell room day in and day out.
You like regret.
Of course I've been saying all along that it's going to get better, that it will get easier with time, and I do still believe that. But for the moment I resent this place. And for the moment I am so incredibly sick of being here that I don't know how I am going to make it through the semester.
I want to wake up in my own bed after a nice long soundless sleep, in a room that is cool enough to be able to sleep under the covers.
I want to wander freely throughout my house.
I want to shower in a space that I can actually turn around in.
I want to drive to Adam's and spend the whole damn day with him if I want.
And I want this to last. I want this to be every single day, not every other weekend.